Survived. When the monsters came for me with their teeth that sing
of terrible things, I ran for safe places even when my lungs were savage for
it. People.
There isn’t much room for debate
when I have drawn my own line in the sand. The problem is, beliefs evolve and
change. Lately, I have experienced many situations that have forced me to draw
my own line in the sand. I struggle with this because part of me wants a right
answer –an absolute definition that determines the rightness or wrongness of
something. It is much easier to judge something when you have a perfect answer,
right?
To admit I need people and that
intimacy is both risky and essential for me. Sometimes it means that,
“You will not always love others
well, but you will always try.”
“When you hurt, you lovingly
express your hurt.”
“When you are too tired to care,
you give yourself the space to self-protect.”
There’s nothing more truly
artistic than to love people, because they are alive and they are strong and
they did the impossible.
Dan pertahanan terbaik adalah ketidaksengajaan bertemu dengan
orang-orang baru. Berkenalan dan mempelajari setiap karakter, berbagi
pengalaman lalu berkarya. Setiap kisah yang dialami dan tragedi yang menimpa
akan menjadi terapi bagi yang mendengar. Di samping menyakiti, semua orang berhak
belajar dan mendapatkan pelajaran, ya kan? Dengan begitu aku bisa melindungi
diriku sendiri setelah aku tau cemasku malah akan menggrogoti dinding pertahananku
secara perlahan. Tidak akan ada yang bisa menghentikan. Aku masih mampu
melangkah dengan kedua kakiku sendiri, ataupun beriringan dengan langkah kaki
mereka. Ya, bahkan dengan sangat baik.
Well, it won’t be like what you imagined. Maybe you get the road trip
to the beach with coffee in your hand and the radio playing, maybe you don’t.
But, don’t define your world in black and white, because there is so much
hiding amongst the greys.
Malang, 2016
